| I just want to know what he's thinking. I want to know if he holds me in contempt for my one stupid move. Although, I don't find that decision complete wasteful.
I.
Am.
In.
Trepidation.
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| Ahh... I'm trying to be reasonable this time around.
I lie. I'm trying not to overreact and not to restrain myself too much. This puts in me in a position to not do anything at all which is still aggravating sometimes. I need someone to tell me I'm wrong. That someone needs to know what they're talking about. It just can't be anybody. I don't think she can tell me I'm wrong because I think she's wrong so it wouldn't do anything.
I could just wait it out, but how long do I really want to wait for? Knowing her now, it might not happen anytime soon.
I kinda wanna punch her in the face.
Not really though.
Oh well.
I learned how to french-braid my own hair :3
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| Dayless weeks. Everything's just been passing by really quickly. Spring break was already over a month ago? No way... I don't believe it. The last six weeks is started in 4 days?! TAKS in a week? AP testing in two weeks?
No, I'm not stressed.
No, I'm not going against what I stand for.
I want to move forward, but I know what's waiting for me. I don't want summer to start because we all know what that leads to.
But anyway. I'm working on a few things in art :3. I'm happy. I haven't been this progressive in a while. I'm so glad that my dumb art teacher from the beginning of the year is gone. God, I hated that. I didn't get anything done except like 3 pieces in the whole semester. Not even 3, I think just 2. But this new teacher is great. I'm working on like 4 or 5 different things at the same time. Then there's gonna be a gallery showing thing in that one place off Jones. I'm kinda excited. And then for ballroom there's gonna be a competition at the galleria with a whole bunch of people and I might go perform. I hope so. I really, really want to.
And today, I went to school with no shoes :D. Well actually, I did wear shoes to school, but took them off after 1st. It was an awareness cause for people who get soil-transmitted parasites because they can't afford shoes. It's a leading plague in undeveloped countries apparently. I don't deny it. Your feet are very important. That one guy from Forrestt Gump even says so. My feet are fine though. I've been waiting a long time for a day to come where I don't have to wear shoes to school. I was very happy. I don't like shoes. I love my feet. Only one teacher made me put my shoes back on. It's ok. I took them off right afterwards.
Nine Inch Nails had their concert on Tuesday, April 14 in Austin. His "ending" tour. I couldn't go because he planned it on a school night in the middle of the school year. In a different city. What a douchebag. He better come back with another concert. I have to go. I can't believe he played me like that.
Things to do this summer:
-Take ACT
-Retake SAT
-Graduation parties? If I get invited to any? haha
-Volunteer hours. Project Cure hopefully.
-Get a job.
-Go to Canada and: look up colleges, chill with cousins, I WANT TO GO TO NIAGRA FALLS AGAIN. OMGGG, hang out with Jaldaire.
-Splashtown with Angeline?
-Chill.
What else?
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| I had my sleeping schedule in check for a while. I don't know what's been going on recently. I think I'm just anxious about having more breaks. But then again, I don't really want summer to start because then the weeks will start inching down. Scary. But I should be okay. But yeah, I slept today from 4 to 8. I hate when I do that. I wasn't even tired. My body just likes to sleep and I can't control it. Well I can, I just didn't. Poop.
School isn't soo bad right now. I just need to keep focusing; a lot.
This is dumb.
I love my life.
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| Don't you ever just get sick of me?
God, I'm so whiny. I can't even stand it sometimes.
All I care about is how I can make myself a better person.
It's so selfish, but not.
It's like Britney Spears. All of her songs are about herself and her problems.
How about someone else for a change, eh?
How about spreading the vicinity of thought to include things that might matter more.
Things that are beneficial.
Things that don't make you fucking depressed for ten minutes, head down, dewy finger tips.
I don't know what to think.
I'm in a rut.
I'm actually a happy person. Honestly, I am.
I want the best in life. That's all I strive for. Nothing less.
If it's present, I'll take beneficiary advantage. I'll do my best. I'll try.
I always do this. I complain about nothing.
One of my biggest focus' in life is other people's pain.
I can't imagine other people's pain.
I dare not. I want to live oblivious.
The pain dwells within.
I am the great debacle.
There's so much more.
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